Just to let you know...this post is more of a journal entry than anything and is super long so skip it if you want, just look at the pictures, or if you really have nothing else to do go ahead and read it.
Four years ago today Brady and I received the biggest surprise of our lives. We knew we were having a baby and we knew it was going to be a boy...what we didn't know was he was on his way...NOW!!! And arrive he did!!! We were living in Detroit for the summer with Brady's summer job as a head tech for Apex Alarm. We lived in the apartment where the office was located because Brady was the head tech and I was the office assistant. This made for some very late nights as we had techs coming in our house whenever they finished their last install of the day, at times it was well after midnight when the last one wandered in. On Monday July 19
th I had had a doctor's appointment with, yes the "smelly" doctor I despised. When we moved there a lady in my ward had given me her doctor's name and having no one else to glean information from I took it and went to him. He wreaked of smoke, he was very awkward, and he asked me the same questions over and over again even during the same visit. After the first appointment I thought of switching doctors but reconsidered after thinking of all the trouble it would be and after all he wouldn't actually be delivering my baby, right??? We would be back in Idaho by then at the clinic that I loved so very much. Back to July 19
th...My doctor was a little concerned because the last two visits my measurements had been off and he thought perhaps the baby had stopped growing. He didn't seem really thrown off by it so I wasn't crazy with concern but I felt a little uneasy until I went to the ultrasound he had ordered just to be sure.
The ultrasound was on Wednesday, July 21st, they checked the baby's size and every other major thing they can see with that particular technology. After finding nothing wrong, they sent me away with the assurance that my baby was just fine and growing exactly as he should be. As far as they could tell he was about 3.5 lbs which is right on target for 32
wks gestation. That set my heart at ease but brought up some questions for Brady and I. How was this whole baby thing going to play out??? His "work summer" didn't end until a couple days before fall semester started and I was due on September 9
th. We would make the due date work with school, that wasn't a real concern BUT when we were due to travel across the country I would be very pregnant and couldn't really fly or drive that far that late in the game. So, 4 years ago late on the night of the 23rd we were discussing what we would do. We threw out some ideas and felt good that we had at least got the ball rolling. After all, we still had time to figure things out, right??? I was reading Harry Potter and I stayed up until between 12 and 1 reading before we finally went to bed.
The next thought I had was how terribly I had to go to the bathroom. I never wake up in the night to go to the bathroom...even when I am pregnant it is a rare occurrence so I was a little annoyed at this interruption. I crawled out of bed and as Brady's basketball shorts that I was wearing shifted I felt wet. I was so embarrassed, how was I going to tell Brady that he had to wake up so I could change the sheets because I had just wet the bed? He would probably make fun of me for the rest of forever. As I'm tossing ideas around in my head, I reach the bathroom and flip on the light. I proceed in my bathroom routine and I realize that the "underwear" that used to be white was now a pinkish color, and it didn't stop at the underwear, my white t-shirt was wet and stained pink all the way to the top of my pregnant belly. It was about 3 in the
morning now and I was really confused. I had two months left in my pregnancy so this couldn't possibly be what it looked like. I called to Brady from the bathroom and he asked what I wanted. Instead of explaining it all to a half asleep, uninterested person who couldn't see what I was seeing, I asked him to "please come in here" with the most calm voice I could muster. Looking back I'm surprised that I wasn't freaking out yet, but indeed I was still in control. Brady came in wiping the sleep from his eyes and wondering what could possibly be so important in the bathroom that he come in with and inspect it at 3 in the morning. I told him I thought something might be wrong with the baby and I needed to call my mom. He being the more rational of the two of us stopped me so that we could try to think through some things ourselves first. We took the facts 1. I was wet, really wet and so was most of the bed 2. It wasn't clear like it should be if my water had broken it was very "pinkish" and it didn't smell like pee 3. I was still sitting on the potty because at this point I was still "leaking." After thinking for a few seconds he brought me the phone. With the time change it was around 1 in the morning at mom's so I felt bad waking her but knew that she could help, what can't a mom fix, right? After telling her what was going on she told me my water had probably broken and I should call the Dr. and go in to the hospital. I remember her telling me, "you are probably going to have this baby" and I responded for the first time with total fear since I had woke up, "but it's too early." She simply said,"Well, I don't think you get to decide." After we hung up I was a little scared but mom had been so calm that helped me to at least keep my cool for the time being. Brady found the emergency # for the "stinky" Dr. and to our surprise his voice mail said he would be on vacation starting July 24
th and to call another # where we could reach the doctor that would be covering his patients while he was away. I was actually relieved that we would have another doctor, but worried that she may be even worse. We reached her quickly but soon found out that because I was only 32
wks I would be going to a different hospital than a "regular" delivery and she didn't have "privileges" there. She advised us to go to the ER and tell them what had happened, wished us luck, and Brady hung up the phone. The next day was Saturday, which was a big day for our office and since we were they only ones with keys and mostly in charge we had to get some keys to someone. Brady called his brother and Danny graciously came over to get the keys and learn a little bit about the office work in case I didn't get to come back before the big day started. It was now about 4:30am and everything was pretty surreal. We looked up some directions to the hospital and packed a diaper bag (which I had luckily just gotten for my birthday on the 5
th) with the only
onsie we had. We didn't want to complicate the long cross-country trip with all the little necessities for a baby so we were waiting until we got back to Idaho to get everything.
As we made the drive to a hospital we had never been to, in a part of Detroit I had never seen before, we had no idea what the future held for us. We were quite simply because neither of us knew what to say. We just held hands and sat in silence. We arrived at the ER, checked in and were sent to a triage labor and delivery unit. I still wasn't sure what to think, despite what my mom had said about having the baby I really didn't think that was how the story would end so every time they sent me somewhere with labor and delivery in the title my heart did a little flip-flop. I changed and then laid there in the bed with monitors hooked up to me to check all the vitals for me and the baby. I had been having
braxton-hicks contractions (or so I thought) the day before and now that I was hooked up to the machine I could see they were happening a lot and I couldn't even really feel most of them. I
layed there for what seemed like forever because they wanted to see the fluid that was coming out so they could check to see if it was amniotic fluid for sure. Nothing was happening with the fluid but I really had to visit the bathroom again. I called the nurse and she unhooked all the machines so I could make my was across the hall. However, when I stood up a very large puddle of blood pooled beneath me and the nurse made me lay down again immediately. I had to use a bed pan for the first time, (what a great experience) and she went to find the Dr. The hospital that we were in was one that was connected with a university there so there were residents and interns everywhere. At this particular time there was a resident but the Dr. could not be reached. She did a great job but by the end she was frazzled. She tried all the tests possible to make sure it was amniotic fluid but there was too much blood for any of them to work. She finally did and ultrasound and the baby was doing okay but there wasn't much fluid around him so they finally assumed that my water had indeed broken like we assumed. At that point I thought we would probably have him since there wasn't much fluid but they reassured me that is can regenerate and they would be sending me to the
antipartem wing where people
wait to have their baby. They said I would be admitted and stay there until he was born. When I asked how long that would by they said there was really no way to tell. At 32
wks gestation he was still way better off in than out and they would do their best to keep him there until my due date. That was another moment that I felt completely scared, how in the world was I going to lay here in bed for 7 weeks while Brady was working...I was going to go crazy.
In the triage area waiting to find out what was happening.
Now it was around 9 in the morning and they wheeled me to my new room. It was much nicer than the curtains that separated the many patients in the triage area. I decided it wouldn't be such a bad place to
wait. My new nurse told me that the doctor would be in soon and I should just relax. I started to feel tired and tried to drift off as Brady made the first call to his parents to let them know what was going on and an update for mine. Of course they had been waiting and were on edge all this time wondering what had happened (sorry guys I guess we weren't thinking clearly). I got to use the bed pan again as I was instructed not to get out of bed for any reason and they would put in a catheter soon. Yippee just what I had always wanted. When I used the bed pan there was still a lot of blood mixed in but we were getting used to it and didn't think a lot about it until the doctor finally came in and quickly excused herself and the intern that was with her just after seeing it. She came back in checked to see if I was dilated at all, found that I wasn't even the tiniest bit effaced, asked if the bleeding had been this bad all morning, and told me they were going to take the baby c-section in about 10 minutes.
After they had moved me to my other room and told me that I would stay there until I delivered.
Believe it or not I had not really shed to many tears until this point, but now I was a little scared. She was very calm so Brady questioned the c-section because he knew that wasn't my first choice. I didn't really know anything about them. In any pregnancy book I had read I had skipped over the section that talked about that. She told him that we were at least 12 hours from a regular delivery and when we acted like that didn't seem too long she said the c-section was the way it was going to be and walked out of the room to get prepared. We felt confused but she had been very caring and great to us so we felt like she was taking care of me. The nurse sensed our apprehension and told us that if we waited for 12 hours I would most likely bleed to death. After that we knew it was serious and they would do whatever they had to to keep us safe. From this point on I felt like I was a patient on an episode of "ER." There were people everywhere talking way too fast and using words that I had never herd. In a whirl I caught that it was too late for the steroids to help the baby's lungs develop and they would do whatever they could for him once he was here. Brady asked for a couple minutes to give me a blessing and after a little argument and much hesitation they gave him about a minute, literally. At this point I was terrified, they were taking me away from Brady now. He would get dressed in his "daddy gear" while I was getting the spinal and then we would meet up in the delivery room. I was still pretty calm considering everything but I was terrified and crying a lot. I had no idea what to think. I don't know why but until our sweet nurse told us different we thought we would just have our baby and take him home just like normal parents do. We were worried because we didn't have a car seat to take him home in...she assured us we would have plenty of time to get one because they figured he would be there for a while, the best guess for premature babies is they usually get to go home around their due date. This introduced a whole new emotion for me. Okay, if I had to I would lay here for 7 weeks, I would have a c-section to get this little guy here safe and sound, but have him and then leave him, this was something I couldn't bear to think about--so I didn't. It seemed like I was just kind of numb after this. They were going to do the best they could and I would deal with it whatever came. I look back now and I know that the calm that I felt was definitely a blessing. I didn't necessarily know that everything would be okay but I knew I had great doctors and they would do what was best for us.
The Doctor had a hard time with my spinal. I'm not sure if it was because he was hurrying or because I was shaking so bad that I was a moving target, but he finally got it in and they started the procedure. The curtain was lifted and soon after that Brady came in. Now that I have had 2 c-sections I can tell the first one there was a reason to hurry. Everything went VERY quickly. I remember just laying there crying while Brady wiped my tears because my arms were strapped to a papoose board and thinking over and over again, "please let him cry, pleas let him cry." I can't explain the feeling I got when he finally did. Brady could see him now and he started to cry too. He mentioned that he looked tiny, but what baby doesn't. Right when he came out they passed him off to a team of
neonatalogists who checked him out to see where they would be starting from . It took a few minutes and we were trying to hear even the slightest hint as to what was going on. Soon they brought him behind the curtain so I could see him and they held him up to my lips so I could kiss him. Then they told us everything looked pretty good but they were going to get him to an incubator. The delivery doctors who seemed relived at this point finished up the stitches and then I was sent to recovery. Brady stayed with me here and when they finally moved me to my room that I would share with another new mommy of twins they asked him if he wanted to go to the
NICU to see the baby. He declined saying he would wait for me and the nurse told him I would be fine but the baby needed one of us. So he took the video camera and told me he would report back. I was exhausted and I finally fell asleep.
This was taken in the recovery area after he was born and we knew he was okay at least for the moment. I had a "drug" button and I was feelin' okay.
I was awakened by Brady asking if I wanted to see "Baby Robbins" (We didn't have a name picked out so he was known by this for the first few days), He had brought video from his little visit. His brothers who were also in Detroit working for Apex that summer had come and they had visited him as well. I clung to that precious video until I finally got to see our little angel hours later. We made phone calls to update everyone (my parents started their drive to Detroit that night) and then once the numbing had worn off (i think around 8 that night) I finally got to meet and cuddle our little buddy. He ended up being very big for his gestation...5lbs 1oz. and 17in. long. He had responded well to everything so far. He was breathing on his own, he had an IV to give him some antibiotics, and he was in a incubator because he got too cold on his own, but besides that he was a pretty healthy little guy. We started the long road of learning to breast feed a preemie and going day by day to see what the future held for us. There were babies all around that had been there for months and I didn't want to expect anything less but really wanted to hope for something better. We had some spectacular nurses and our apex family took great care of us. Four days after delivery I was discharged with no idea how long he would have to stay. That tore my heart out but I was there every second that I was awake. I just went home to sleep and recoup for the next day. We finally named him.. He became our little "
Caden Melvin."
This is the very first time I got to hold Caden. It had been probably close to 10 hours since he was born. I can't explain what if felt like to just be able to hold him after all we had been through that day.
The next day the whole Apex gang came to see me. They couldn't go in the NICU to see Caden but they just came and hang out with Brady and I for the afternoon. Their support meant so much to us.
Nine days later on August 1st we got some wonderful news.
Caden had been keeping his temperature up and with some luck we would be taking him home the next day. We were ecstatic. Someone was blessing us beyond anything we could hope for. Thanks to Tanya and Casey (our apex friends and some others who also gave generous gifts) we now had everything we needed to bring out little one home. My parents and little sister were there now too so we even had real "family" to share in the excitement. The next day took forever to arrive. I packed and repacked the bag several times and couldn't sleep at all that night. We finally left for the hospital around 7:30 and as we arrived we saw that he had been put back in the incubator at some point during the night. We were devastated, we had nothing to suggest this might happen. We spent the day there and he graduated from the incubator again. The rule was he had to be out and keep his temperature up for 24 hours before he could go home (there was actually a list as long as both of my arms but this was the only one he was struggling with). When it came time to go home Brady decided he would stay to make sure Caden stayed warm that night.
This was our little guy's home for the first several days. We were allowed to hold him whenever we wanted as long as we kept him wrapped in two blankets and checked his temp. every 30 min to make sure it wasn't dropping.
After ten very long days (I know, for those of you who waited longer I have nothing to complain about but when you are in a situation like this each day feels like an eternity) we were able to bring our little boy home. We were so blessed! There was still alot keep track of but all of it would be easier with him at home with us.
Taking him home with us, finally.
He was on the fast track then and he hasn't slowed down since. He has never had any delays due to his prematurity so most of the time we forget about what a miracle he really is. Really, the miracle all babies are. It's hard to belive it has been four years. It's like I can't even remember life without him. WE LOVE YOU MORE EVERYDAY, CADEN. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
This was right after Caden got sick on the boat. Kamrie is being such a little mommy.
The kids staying entertained while the men were trying to fix the boat.
July 6th & 7th: just hung out and recouped from the craziness.
Family Reunion FUN Vacation
As always Kamrie's favorite part was eating the berries. I love that her face is stained red!!!
More to come later. It's good to be back.
